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Garth Jones

October 2007 - Posts

  • List a Shared out Printers

    select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0, PRN.Sharename0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.Sharename0 <> ''
  • Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.

    Last week in Seattle, there was a running joke about how “Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo”, anyways  my sister sent this to me, so I thought that I would share this.

    Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter
    Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are
    asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted
    on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a
    joke; but the questions were really asked!

    Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England )

    A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and
    watch them die.

    Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )

    A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

    Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

    A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

    Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )

    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
    A: What, did your last slave die?

    Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

    Q:Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )

    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

    A : Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
    Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
    Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

    A: No, WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?( USA )

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

    A: Yes, gay nightclubs

    Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany )

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: I  have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
    A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. 

    Posted Oct 30 2007, 07:59 AM by Garth with 2 comment(s)
    Filed under:
  • List all Duplex Local Printers

    Select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.CapabilityDescriptions0 Like ('%Duplex%')
  • small world

    On Friday, I flew from Seattle to Victoria to visit family. We flew from Seattle to Vancouver on our way to Victoria. We rushed from one end to the other end of the airport and finally made it to our gate C38E.  Without knowing it, Ellen sat down right next to Shane Futcher aka "hockey lady" who was coming back from a Citrix conference in Las Vegas. What a small world! I introduced “Mrs. Garth” aka Ellen to Shane and if we have time will we try to meet up for drinks while I’m in town.  But it is not looking good, as this whirlwind tour of Victoria is filling up fast.

  • List all Local Color Printers

    select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.CapabilityDescriptions0 Like ('%Color%')
  • Total of space used by all Page files.

    Select Sum(RAM.TotalPageFileSpace0)
    From v_GS_X86_PC_MEMORY RAM
  • Win an Alienware Area 51 PC

    To take the Quiz at for your chance to win a Alienware Area 51 PC!

  • List all Printers that handle B4 (JIS) paper

    select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.PrinterPaperNames0 Like ('%B4 (JIS)%')
  • News from Seattle

    Well yesterday was a interest day.


    ·         Service manager will ship in H2 2008

    · was announced.

    ·         Server Management Suite Enterprise

    ·         ConfigMgr will be available on Nov 7

    ·         ConfigMgr Toolkit will be available Nov 12


    The confusing thing about this training is what acronym to use for System Center Configuration Manager 2007! I thought it was ConfigMgr! However most ( if not all) documentation and presenters are still calling it SCCM so does that mean ConMan is still a valid Acronym? That is the one I like but something tells me that MS marketing will never let that one out the door. J


    The best thing that happened yesterday was to watch the MMC crash during one of the presentation! I have no idea if he has all of the HF applied but I know that I have all of the ones that where suggested in the beta newsgroup + all of the prereqs! And it still crashes on a regular bases for me. I have to find out if there are poweshell commandlets  for all major commands as the existing console is a BIG pain in the a**!!!!

  • List all Printers that handle A4 paper

    select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.PrinterPaperNames0 Like ('%A4%')
  • Count of Windows Update Agents

    Select WUA.Version0, count(WUA.Version0) as 'Total'
    Group By WUA.Version0
  • List all Printers that handle Tabloid paper

    select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.PrinterPaperNames0 Like ('%Tabloid%')
  • November 22nd 2007 User Group Meeting

    November 22nd 2007 User Group Meeting

    Topic: Becoming a Poshoholic: 12 steps to develop a healthy obsession for Windows PowerShell


    Windows PowerShell in its inaugural version is already a tool that should be included in the toolbelt of any Windows IT professional or Windows software developer.  It's a command-line shell, an interactive scripting environment and a scripting language like you've never seen before all in one.  It's also the future of Windows server administration.  If you don't know Windows PowerShell yet, now's the time to get started.  Join Kirk Munro, a well known Poshoholic, as he guides you through 12 steps that will help you get on the PowerShell bandwagon more quickly while developing a healthy obsession for Windows PowerShell.
    About the speaker:
    Kirk Munro is a Senior Software Developer for Quest Software.  He's spent the last four years working on Windows Management products at Quest, specializing in data retrieval from Active Directory and Exchange data stores.  Recently he became the world's first self-proclaimed Poshoholic and is now he is redirecting his career so that he can focus at work on this newfound obsession that has been taking so much of his time outside of the office.


    Microsoft Canada Co.
    100 Queen Street Suite 500
    Ottawa, Ontario

    K1P 1J9


    5:00 p.m.  Event registration
    5:30 p.m.  Presentation
    7:30 p.m.  Q & A
    8:00 p.m.  Door Prizes


    Notes:  Pizza and Pop will be served, Please RSVP to help us order enough of both.




  • List all Printers that handle Letter paper

    select PRN.SystemName0, PRN.DeviceID0
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Where PRN.PrinterPaperNames0 Like ('%Letter%')
  • Count of PrintProcessor

    select PRN.PrintProcessor0, Count(PRN.PrintProcessor0) as 'Count'
    from dbo.v_GS_PRINTER_DEVICE PRN
    Group by PRN.PrintProcessor0
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